It’s hard to capture a lifetime of memories in just a few paragraphs. But when the time comes to write an obituary for your parent or grandparent, you want every word to feel right—honest, heartfelt, and worthy of the life they lived.
An obituary is a final tribute. It shares who they were, the lives they touched, and the moments that mattered most. For many families, it becomes a keepsake—a way to remember and reflect.
This guide will walk you through how to write an obituary for a family member, step by step. From what to include to how to choose the right tone, we’ll help you honor their story.
What Should Be Included in an Obituary? (Step-by-step list)
This is a general structure anyone can follow. It’s okay to keep it simple and focus on what mattered most to your parent or grandparent. Use this list as a guide to help you organize your thoughts.
1. Start with basic details
Begin with the essentials: their full name, age, and the date they passed. You can also include their city and state of residence at the time, along with where and when they were born.
2. Share a short summary of their life
Note key milestones—marriage, children, career, military service, or volunteer work. You don’t have to cover everything. Focus on the parts that shaped their life and values.
3. Highlight their personality and passions
This is where the obituary becomes truly personal. Describe the hobbies they loved, the quirks that made everyone smile, or a favorite saying they were known for.
4. List surviving family members
List close family members who are still living—spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings. For blended or extended families, just be clear and respectful. This part helps readers understand the circle of people who held them close.
5. Include service or memorial information
If you’re planning a funeral or celebration of life, share the date, time, and location. If services are private or planned for later, a simple note like “services to be held at a later date” works well.
6. Share donation or memorial preferences
Families often include a request like, “In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to…” Choose a cause or organization that meant something to them.
7. Close with a final thought
End with a brief message, quote, or phrase that meant something to your family.
Tips on Writing an Obituary for a Parent or Grandparent
- Write in your own voice
You don’t need to sound formal or poetic. Keep it simple and natural—like you’re telling their story to a friend. Honest words go further than trying to sound perfect.
- Focus on the meaningful details
Pick the parts of their life that mattered most. That could be a quiet hobby, a favorite phrase, or the way they showed up for others. You don’t need to include everything—just what helps paint a clear, personal picture.
- Ask others to contribute
Reach out to siblings, close relatives, or friends. They might remember details you forgot, or offer a different perspective that brings more depth to the obituary. It also takes some of the weight off your shoulders.
- Take breaks if you need to
You don’t have to write it all in one sitting. Step away when it gets too heavy and come back later with fresh eyes. Grief isn’t linear—and writing through it doesn’t have to be either.
How Long Is an Obituary?
Most obituaries are between 100 and 300 words, depending on where they’re published. A short obituary might include just the basics—name, dates, family, and service details. A longer one allows space for personal stories, career highlights, and meaningful reflections.
For print newspapers, length matters because many charge by the word or line. Online memorial platforms, however, usually allow for more flexibility. Aim for 3 to 5 short paragraphs to keep it easy to read while still honoring the full story.
Obituary Examples for Family Members
These examples offer a starting point when words feel hard to find. Whether you need a short announcement for a newspaper or a more detailed version for an online memorial, here are sample formats to guide you.
Brief Obituary (For print or short announcements)
John David Mitchell, 82, of Dallas, TX, passed away peacefully on March 10, 2025. Born in Lubbock, he was a retired schoolteacher and a proud Army veteran. He is survived by his wife, Ellen, and three children. A private service will be held.
Mid-Length Obituary (Balanced and personal)
Margaret “Maggie” Lee Franklin, age 88, passed away on February 28, 2025, surrounded by family. She was born in Austin, TX, and spent her life bringing warmth to every room—first as a nurse, then as a grandmother of six. Maggie married her high school sweetheart, James, and together they raised a family full of laughter, music, and Sunday dinners. She loved quilting, reading mysteries, and humming Patsy Cline songs while baking. She is survived by her husband, children, grandchildren, and many dear friends. A celebration of life will be held on March 15 at Oak Hill Community Church.
Longer Obituary (With personal anecdotes and quotes)
Samuel “Sam” Thomas Delgado, 91, passed away at his home in San Antonio, TX, on March 5, 2025. Born on November 1, 1933, Sam spent his life with a wrench in one hand and a story in the other. A beloved mechanic for over 50 years, he fixed more than cars—he helped neighbors, mentored apprentices, and taught his grandkids how to work with their hands.
Sam was married to Rosa, the love of his life, for 62 years. Together, they raised four children who remember his Sunday morning pancakes, his endless supply of corny jokes, and the way he always showed up when it mattered most.
His favorite saying—“If it ain’t broke, it’s just waiting its turn”—still echoes in the family garage. Sam is survived by Rosa, their children, eight grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. A memorial gathering will be held at the family home on March 16. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the local veterans’ organization he supported.
What Mistakes Should You Avoid When Writing an Obituary?
- Don’t use vague clichés
It’s easy to fall back on phrases like “loved by all” or “always had a smile.” But specific details say so much more. Mention their famous cornbread, their knack for storytelling, or how they never missed a grandkid’s recital.
- Don’t forget important people or details
Names, spellings, and dates matter—especially when listing family members or military service. Double-check with others to make sure no one is accidentally left out.
- Don’t make it too long or too short
You don’t have to include everything. Aim for a length that shares what matters most. A few paragraphs that reflect their personality and key moments will do more than a list of every milestone.
- Don’t skip proofreading
Ask someone close to review the obituary before sending it to a newspaper or posting online. A second set of eyes can help catch small errors or missing details—and offer gentle support, too.
When and Where Should You Publish an Obituary?
Newspapers, funeral homes, and community bulletins usually have dedicated obituary sections. Submit your obituary two to four days before the service if possible—this gives people enough time to make plans. If the memorial is later or private, you can publish it online anytime.
If friends or extended family live far away, an online obituary can be easier for them to find and share. It also gives people a place to leave messages, memories, or attend a virtual service if one is available.
FAQs: How to Write an Obituary
- How long should an obituary be?
Most obituaries are around 200–300 words, especially for print. Online memorials allow for longer tributes if you want to share more stories or personal memories.
- Who should write the obituary?
A child, grandchild, or close relative usually writes it—but anyone who knew them well and can tell their story with care can take the lead.
- What is the proper way to list family members in an obituary?
Include names of close family like spouse, children, siblings, and grandchildren. For blended families, list each person by name or role to avoid confusion and make everyone feel acknowledged.
Honoring a Life, One Word at a Time
Writing an obituary for a family member is a way to preserve their story, share their legacy, and let others know what they meant to your family. You don’t need to write something long or complicated. A few honest, well-chosen details can say everything. Keep the focus on who they were—and how they’ll be remembered.
12 Oaks Celebrates Life Every Day
Every day is an opportunity to celebrate life. From meaningful connections with friends to moments of joy and purpose, we honor each senior’s story by creating a vibrant community where memories are made, and every individual is valued for who they are.
Come see the community where stories continue to grow.
Schedule a tour of 12 Oaks Senior Living and discover a place where every day is worth remembering.
